The honour of bringing the first blog post of 2017 to the Happy Authors’ Guild falls to me, and you know what? I’ve blown it.
I haven’t just forgotten to give HAG a timely hug, or omitted to whisper sweet nothings in HAG’s shell-like ear, or nipped when I should have licked between HAG’s plump and luscious thighs. No, I’ve blown it like a turkey-induced New Year’s fart that’s gonna reverberate from now until June.
Because, I got nuffin’. Not a dang thing. I’ve got no pearls of wisdom on how to prevent or cure writer’s block. No musings on the birthplaces of inspiration. No clever thoughts on turning romance tropes willy-nilly, or crafting the strong heroine, or remodelling the alpha-hole. Grammar? What’s that? Spelling? Punctuation? Clever dialogue? How to set the scene, engage the reader, market your books, or oust Donald Trump? Nada. Niet. Zip.
I can’t even muster coherent thoughts on the outright fraudulent balls of All Romance Ebooks.
So where does that leave us, dear HAG-ites? Pretty much where we finished 2016. No wiser. No happier. No better prepared to meet the rigors and whimsical machinations of the coming year.
But we are two hundred and ten pointless words into a blog post about nothing.
That’s progress, of a sort, right?
The only other thing I can offer you is a sip from my good friend Captain Morgan.
And a nibble from my partially-eaten donut.
Here’s a picture of a romantic couple.
And a cute kitten.
In fact, that was so much fun, I’ll do it again.
So there you go. Christmas is over. 2016 is gone never to return. I’ve created a blog post of emptiness and kittens, and I raise my cup to you all for the sake of auld lang syne and a prosperous, romantic, and kitten-fresh 2017.
May your well of words never run dry.