As a child I struggled with it so much. My sisters (I have 4) would say I am anti-social. They weren’t trying to be cruel with their remarks but they still struck a nerve. Yet, no matter how much I tried to just hang with them and their friends, do normal stuff that constituted “fun”, all I wanted was to retreat with a book in my hand, get lost in my own small world. Actually everyone thought it was small and constricting- I traveled in my imagination to lands and situations they couldn’t imagine existed.
“Anyone who’s going to be a writer knows enough at 15 to write several novels.” May Sarton aka. Eleanore Marie Sarton.
Thanks to reading too much (is there such a thing?), this quote applies to me. By the time I was 15 I had read too many books to count. At that age, I didn’t know that I wanted to be a writer, I simply enjoyed the joyous solitude of completely immersing myself in a good story with great characters. My favorite place was the library and I didn’t feel weird at all. In fact, I felt safe on my own. A crowded party on the other hand, made me feel exposed, vulnerable and believe it or not, lonely.
So I guess to some degree, my sisters were kind of right- I was a bit anti-social and there were times when I struggled with the realization that I was suffering from “a writer’s loneliness” even if at the time I had no idea I wanted to be a writer. By the time I turned 18 (the fun age), the urge to go out with friends and party became nearly irresistible. I did allow myself to indulge for a while but I still more than anything, craved the solitude of my collection of novels and plays.
So by the time it dawned on me that I was “Anyone who wanted to be a writer…” I had read so many books, had so many of my own characters swirling in my head, I was ready to burst. But then we all know what comes next. There is the procrastination, and worst of all the fear that I could never be as good as my favorite author or that readers are simply going to hate my work.
So yeah! I have written a lot. My whole life revolves around reading and writing (I am a freelance writer after all). But I have never had the courage to share some of my own stories until I actually decided to own the cap “writer” and wear it proudly. That means embracing everything including “a writer’s loneliness” and just going with it. The fear and procrastination are still there, I am working on that and the progress is slow, but I am proud to be a “writer.”
By the way, I am not anti-social. I realized there is a difference between choosing to be alone and loneliness. When I choose to, I enjoy being by myself. But I am never alone in the real sense, am I? Not when I spend that time meeting and getting to know all the characters in the books I read and the authors who imagined them.
So I guess “a writer’s loneliness” may just as well be “a writer’s alone time.” Writers just seem to need more alone time than the average person.
Growing up Elle was the girl sitting in a corner with her nose in a book. For as long as she could remember, she journeyed to different destinations around the world with the characters she met in the many books she read.
So when she turned fifteen, it was not surprising that she found herself ready to create her own world of characters. The Paranormal world was particularly intriguing, especially immortal vampires and the humans sharing their fascinating existence.
A tea addict, Elle also has a powerful love for Music and her ever expanding Family.